~...Lazimnya, maseh tenang...~

Aku dongak menjenak kerlapan yang mencalak
Untuk aku barangkali...
Mencari rizab menyimpan kilauan yang terpelak
Untuk aku menyuluhi (yang gelap itu)

Lantang berkata
Akur menerima?

Mahu berpindah
Ketika gundah?
Bukan penyudah...

Menyongsong kamu, kepingin mahu ketemu
Tidak endah, akur mengalah
Menanti yang lain, bertongkat dagu
Tidak seresam, aku termanggu

Sekiranya dia tahu, manisnya madu
Tidak dibuang begitu
Seandainya dia tahu mulusnya aku
Tidak sampai berpaling dari situ

Usaha perih
Zahir yang pedih
Tidak berputus
Mahu yang telus

Mencari aku di dalam kamu
Mencari kamu, tiada di situ

Tunduk terima
Pasti ada

p/s: mode old skool songs. pre-happy (Alhamdulillah)

~...If You Could See me Now~

Dedicated to my dear Banana,
(poem + luv letter sent by him to her)

I turn away, tried to ran as far as my feet can take me,
Although, now you're far away from me,
I can see your cruel smile in my mind,
And then, the skies went pitch black.

It's raining now,And I have nowhere to go,
Not a small shade from the rain to shelter me,
Broken, battered, profusely bleeding.

You lashed your horrible whip against me,Again and again,
With the malevolent eyes of yours,
Never, for once, would you stop.
I shielded my tattered soul with my arms,
Even my broken arms can't take it anymore,Lost,
I abandoned my guard,With a fiendish smile, you continued your lashing...

Yearning For The Impossible
Sparks of a burning desire,I once had, quite some time ago,Reignited.
The night was,Calm, quiet and comfortably cool,
But, a heavenly ardor raged.

I was alive,With such glorious emotions,Flowing across my veins.
I ran, fast like a dark horse,I swam, quick like a stingray,I flew, smooth like a hawk.
Secretly, I longed for it to last,As long as it would stretch itself,I wonder, will it be?
Today, the skies are gloomy,The winds is hard, and cold,The signs to come?

p/s : Yes, my dear banana, this is for you to read, understand and comprehend!

To my love (my dear Banana...),

None of my blogs are attempts for me to put you down low, whatsoever. You mean quite a lot to me now, much more than in the past. I just hope that you'll give me a clear indication of where we stand right now. I don't like to be seated in the bench of a long list of those who are waiting line. I want to be the only person in the line. Let me type that again : I want to be THE ONLY PERSON waiting in the line, now, not tomorrow, not next week, not next month, not next year, I want it NOW!

I really do not know what you take me of nowadays. I really don't know what it meant for you, last Sunday. I really do not know. Whenever I pop the question to you, you'll just post some smilies.

I know your current job is taxing your time to the limit. I understand that, I've been in your shoes many years ago, and sometimes, nowadays too. In my case, it's pretty hard, especially when you're not only the eldest in the family, but also the eldest's grandson in the family. The burden placed on the shoulders is too heavy, sometimes I slip and fall, hard. But I try to get up, although my knees are bleeding and my arms hurts so much. I get up and get moving again.

Now, although the burden is still heavy as ever, I intend to pick it up a notch. No more fooling around like what I used to do in the yesteryears, no more keeping the burden of being burnt from the past ( although the scar is there, and will be there for quite a while ), no more taking heed of what others say ( although I really don't give two shits up their sorry arse of what they think of me ). Sadly, the only person I can go to whenever I'm going to break down to pieces, is no longer there for me.

I'm hoping you'll be the one, I seriously do. It's a once - in - a - lifetime investment, it'll pay trillions' worth of happiness for a very long time, and I intend to sign up with you.
Pretty please?

love,
player9977@esso

p/s : If You could See Me now...(neverending luvstory 2007 :banana (the girl la...))

~...pasti (aku kira )...~

Sudah pancul chahaya itu (Aku kira...)
Menyuluh aku walau samar (Aku redha...)

Sudah tampak jalan aku

Tidak lagi aku tersasar

Hey Si Jelik, jangan kamu cuit aku lagi

Kali ini, jangan mimpi...!

Hey Si Jelik, jangan kamu rayu aku lagi

Kali ini, kamu ke tepi...!

Tidak sabar untuk berlari (pantas)

Tidak sabar untuk kecapi (mimpi)

Tidak sabar untuk meninggi (ke atas)

Tidak sabar aku untuk bermundi (di junjung)

Tuhan izinkan aku dengan rahmatMu

Taubat

Munajat

Harapan

Kenyataan

Petunjuk dariMu

Hajat dari aku

Istiqarah buatMu

Kepingin aku...

~...Tuhan, tolong hamba...~

Dia dan Kamu : bayang-bayang hitam aku
Tidak pernah lekang dari ruang aku
Hukuman dosa-dosa gelap dulu?
Sampai bila mahu begitu?
Dimana-mana saja ada dia dan kamu...

Haiihh...tidak hening malam
Tidak aman gelodak jiwa
Berdebar rasa
Aku berlara
Sampai bila?

Tuhan, tolong hamba
Tuhan, buang mereka
Tuhan, kasihi hamba
Tuhan, hilang mereka (dari aku)

'Jangan biar hidup kamu dihantui oleh masa lampau. Lepaskan dirimu dari pengaruh dan bayangan masa lampau...Kamu tidak mahu dan berusaha menangani masa kini, sebaliknya sibuk memikirkan masa lalu,mengiyakan istana-istana yang megah, sebaliknya sibuk menguruskan reruntuhan bangunan lama. Tidak perlu menoleh ke belakang kerana hembusan angin sentiasa menghala ke depan , air mengalir menuju ke depan, kafilah berjalan ke arah ke depan. Justeru, jangan la cuba menentang arus, aturan hidup dan sunah alam,' -Dr. 'Aidh Bin Abdullah Al- Qarni (Don't Be Sad)

P/s : your joy is your sorrow unmasked -khalil gibran

~mode : emptiness~

Setiap ketika rancang semuanya
Tidak mahu ada yang kosong
Setiap saat pingin yang baik belaka
Tidak mahu ada yang terpesong

Di luar disanjung
Di dalam hati kosong
haiihh...

Tiada perih mencari kaseh
Tiada lelah, lazim mengalah
Maseh ketemu yang salah
Maseh rasa tersiseh

Aku dipuja, semua nya teruja
Aku menangis, semua nya bengis
haiihh...

Kamu yang di sana
Tetap tidak ke mana
Di takuk yang sama
Pergi jauh...selamanya...

p/s : Jangan Ada Dusta di Antara Kita by Broery Marantika ft. Dewi Yull

~...ditakuk yang sama...~

Maseh raut yang sama
Maseh kerdip yang sama
Maseh sinis yang sama

Bingit
Kusut
Kelabu
Jelak

Tidak ada satu pun yang berubah

Sentuhan yang sama
Belaian yang sama
Lapuk semuanya

Tidak ada satu pun yang berbeza
Serupa segalanya
Kamu di takuk lama

Berharap yang sama
Kaseh sentiasa
Maseh berlara
Buang aku selamanya...

p/s : I'm Yours by Jason Mraz

~...Merak : terbang pun tidak...~

Beristinbat seperti para Ijma'. Cenderung. Bentang usul berpaut dalil : hurai masalah. Tidak gemar, mula bertikam lidah. Bertuding jari : aku lah yang salah. Merenung sinis : aku menangis
Abai jiwa biar tersentap. Pedulikan luluh biar tersentuh...
Rasa ujub?
Rasa megah?
Rasa jaguh (tidak kemana...)

Ya, kamu lah yang hebat itu
Kamu lah yang tahu semua itu...
Ya, aku baru kenal durjana
Biar aku rasa semua

Ketika kamu megah di atas. Berlagak merak kamu di pentas.
Tiba masa, biar aku sujud ke bawah, tunduk menyerah : aku kalah

erm...aku di dalam kelompok rugi itu... (kamu puas bukan?)

~...bak merbok menyalak~

Rimas, bingit, desing: maseh keruan
Tutur-tutur manis bak gula
Ungkapan rayu tiup di telinga
Tiada sedetik pun aku hanyut di awangan

Elus (rayu) kamu bak arus deras berlalu
Belai kamu,pantas aku dingin
Pujuk kamu tidak pernah bertugu
Cumbu kamu aku tiada pernah ingin

Ikat ketat lidah yang tidak bertulang itu
Henti terus suara yang sering menyalak itu
Ya, aku jelik semuanya
Rasa jijik seratanya

Anggap saja semua yang jelik itu hening
Sangka saja semua yang jijik itu bening

Hanya jiwai nikmatnya
Sekadar cicip enaknya...
Huh!

p/s: permysuri by OAG

~DrAma..DrAmA..DraMa...~

Sometimes people come into my life and I know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of rationale, teach me a lesson, or to help me figure out who am I or who I want to become. They can be a secondary vibrant regarding the thesis of my life.

I never know who these people may be, my childhood friend, my neighbor, a long lost friend, or a complete stranger. When I lock eyes with them, I know at that very moment they will affect my life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to me that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection I find that without overcoming those obstacles i would have never realized my potential, strength, willpower, or my brave heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Sometimes I do believe with these principles of luck, but as a Realist it only takes me 30%.

Illness, grievance, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of my soul, my credibility and my integrity. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people I meet who affect my life, and the success and downfalls my experiences help to create who I am and who I want to become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

One of the most precious things that I learn from my lame experiences -If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart; forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listening is better than enthusiastically having a heated argument.

Let our self fall in love, break free, and set our sights high. Hold our head up because we have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. We can make of our life anything we wish. Create our own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets.

Most importantly if you Love someone tell him or her, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. Yes, in some ways, relationship is difficult and challenging spiritual practice. But, try to learn a lesson in life each day that you live. That's the story of my tedious Life.

~...ia maseh Cliché...~

Kepala pusing, urat bersimpul, kudrat serabut
Ini yang aku mahu? Ini yang aku ingin?
Hati resah, jiwa kesah, mula menyebut (Kalam Tuhan)
Bila pingin, hati ingin, dia dingin...

Hasad, bingit, sinis
Puas? tenang? girang?
Mandat, tawan, menang
Tidak sampai kemana, tidak sepenuhnya : rungsing

Jerih dengan bingit kamu-kamu
Runtun dengan sampai hati kamu-kamu
Jelik dengan sikap jahil kamu-kamu
Lelah dengan sikap tamyyiz kamu-kamu

Maseh menanti hari terang
Maseh menunggu pari-pari datang
Maseh kejar yang senang-tenang
Maseh berlari jauh dari bayang-bayang...

p/s : 'if i a'int got you' by Kevin Micheal

~ThanX to u Babes!~

TeMaN-TeMaN opposite GENDER
(kasi gempak sket ;p)

Thanx to u guys yang agak membantu! hehe ;p neway, tk lupe u all sume hehe ;p U all pun can b considered as my rempah ratus in my so called havoc life la!haha ;p

ThanX to u BabeS...

I awoke this morning with devout thanksgiving for my friends, the old and the new. Shall I not call God the Beautiful, who daily showeth Himself so to me in His gifts? I chide society, I embrace solitude, and yet I am not so ungrateful as not to see the wise, the lovely, and the noble-minded, as from time to time they pass my gate. Who hears me, who understands me, becomes mine, — a possession for all time. My friends have come to me unsought. The great God gave them to me.

Hey, this is the other side of me as a gadis ceruk urban, instead of being Tun Teja (quoted by Lea) .hehe ;p I juz read my hotbabe nye blog ‘Miz Yayang’. OMG! Im so damn terharu n nk nangis sob sob sob. I mcm baru sedar dat everyone here loves me…! Thanx God I found You-by Mariah Carey(background music) I tot dat since kte dh tk study sama, n masing2 bz wif keje masing2 n dah lupe all the happiness dat we cherish together..xpecially di zaman ‘persekolahan’ di UiTM (delima's college), rumah teres semi-d sek.8 haha ;p n flat block 35 di sek.7 hahaha.

Neway, I would like to dedicate my miraculous loves to all of u…even though dis is like a small token of my appreciation to u guys..But I really mean it. Im so lucky dat kte sume jumpe n do all the wacky stuffs, ketapang sume, laughing all the times…n nangis, geram, n rasa nk tumbuk(me n lea fav word) n merajuk (me n zt nye session) hahaha ;p OMG I mish the old dayz but now, everyone seems like bz wif kehidupan masing2, like:

TEMPE-IBMer forever,
ZT +LEA+FISS+ZURA –Lawyer
ME-Syarie+lawyer wannab/to b+surirumah ( tingtong profession confused)hahaha,
FAERA- Angel+lawyer to b…
n tak lupa to all my loyal n gorgeous hotbabes-LULU (successful QS )+ NADEA(Axxon Mobil Exec )+FIENA (AG chambers) +MARP (Mother soon) +FERY (Business Exec)+K’OWN(Multimedia Graphic)+MASLEA(Estate Broker)

OMG sume org dh berjaya n hampir to sempurna. Alhamdulillah, Thanx to Allah for all the rewards n rezeki for us n yet…me lupe kepada Pemberi Rahmat (ampuni dosaku Ya Allah). Neway, to make it short dis small precious appreciation to u guys…


To my neverending happiness fren : TEMPE
‘do u still remember…(viva forever-spice gurl) haha.wat is ur 1st impression about me? ‘Macam Bagus’ izzit? Demmits! Tgk la skrg, kte jadi BFF! Neway, u r my best fren. Alwez there for me, alwez make me smile+laugh+evil+ketapang+geram rasa nk pukul+saiko:lately haha.Thanx God, n almost every weekend kte jumpe…izzit a good thing?haha. But u know, deep inside me I wil alwez love u fren..n xtau pe jadi if u r not around even though u mcm a sort of merampas sume ape yang ade around me secara langsung and tidak langsung but its okayy..i ok je (dalam hati geram). Do i need to mention who? here, the concept of loving is sharing does not apply here okayy?haha. Neway, love u so much babe (love u from shah alam to Pluto)

To my coolest fren FISS,

OMG never cross in my mind yang kte akan jadi besfren! yeah, after dat stupid incident bout thesis LRM demmits..kte jadi closer. U know wat, i trust all ur judgments xpecially bout guys, movies, foods n places! haha. n lately, kte diuji dengan daya ketahanan emosi wic almost kill us n all about si hati luluh :(. But Alhamdulillah, kte bole handle lagi..n sentiasa berdoa kepada Allah. i juz want u to b happy. It doesnt matter dengan sape or how, the point is..stop sedih2 n meratap about benda yang tk worth it (dedicate to me as well) n alwez remember dat...me akan sentiasa ade beside u,not matter wat! ok babe! love u babe

To my Gorgeous roomate Zt

OMG, thanx to Allah..thanx to u. kte pun rasa yang sama.Wpun u mcm ske sgt kenakan kte dengan all the guyz, termasuk guy yg skrg jadi Magistrate Jln Duta (no name mention pliss),pendex, budak shah subang n latest dengan....oops! Sgt jahaatttt! tapi, i mcm ikut je kan..demmits.Dibuli secara diam! but i cannot lupe about jampi serapah untuk tekel mamat erm..wat his name arrr?but..fadly ur so called soulmate yg minum air jampi itu!hahahhaa. 2nd, bout roti john di nite market 'abg, roti long john 1, abg, roti long john 1!!'-hahahah.do u know anything bout JOHN???haha ;p n tk lupe bout seluar yang asalnye panjang digunting sendiri ala2 3quater n zip selalu rosak...does it sound cumel or...oops!haha.hey lupe sebut pasal ADAM hahahhahaa siap bole on the fon lagi tu. izzit ur IBF or BF???but, zt, awk tau kan wpun kte ni weng n emo sket..but i alwez love u yg sentiasa membakar smgt soh kte g claz n sentiasa beside me dizaman 'babyboi aka pupus'.thanx to u n lea!

To marre:
Thank you sbb jadi kawan kite. Awk sgt cool eventhough kdg2 agak emosi sikit. Hehe. Tapi ill always know that awk ni emosi2 pun awk ada hati yg sgt baik. A good listener. Kite akan slalu cherish the times masa kite jadi roomate dulu ngan awk. Sgt bahagia kan. Wish cud turn back times ngan awk. Sgtla rasa da tue. Uhukk. Anyway, awk jaga diri baik-baik k marre. Just remember that the past is past. Let bygones be bygones and move on with your life sygku marre. Takde ape pun yg awk dpt just by menangisi hari semlm. Yang PUPUS tu biar PUPUS darling. Kite syg awk, dats why kite nak awk happy slalu. You dont deserve to be sad marre. You are beautiful in your own way, just think back on life and instead of feeling low, bersyukur la what life has brought you. Kite wish and doa awk dpt jadi Sharie Lawyer sambil dpt jumpe dgn the right one and settle down and dpt anak byk sambil memaintainkan body mantep awk tu :) Minta maaf semua salah silap kite and makan minum kite ok. Kite syg awk. Love you-THANX BABE (MARRE)

To my lovely fren, Lea

Mish all ur masak yang sedap tu, xpecially tom yam yg dicampur dgn gula merah!mesmerize pliss! Neway, thanx babe, wpun i mcm 'gender confused',i ske je..dun worry u dalam my top list if i jadi lelaki!hahaha ;p cannot tahan my geram tgk u yang montoks n gebu.hahaha.OMG wat hapened to me? Lea, the person yg alwez help me during my studies..yang sentiasa membakar semangat untuk kte study..n of coz maher s well.love ya both! Im hapy for u guys, 1st love til kawen, so sweetttsss! Dun forget to doa for me. Walau mcm ne pun, u alwez b my babe k..! n of coz..logan+pupus+babyboi the legend!

To marre~
u became gender confused and started becoming abang ... series kite n eton takot mase awak tetibe bahasekan diri abang and mengendeng2 kat kitorang ... awak selalu ... ke tetiap hari? huhuhu ... memakai seluar kotak2 awak yang sedondon ngan roomate awak and cakap tu selua burberry ... yeah rite burberry ... ur never ending love story ... buley wat buku cerita ... of course logan-THANX BABE (MARRE)

To my angel fren, Faera aka eyah+ Zura,

Thanx God! Alhamdulillah sbb jumpe eyah! Org sangat baik+lembut+penyanyang+alwez there for me. Yeah, kte penah involve in conflict, i wish i can turn back the time..but, secara positive i took it as a path for us to be closer, rite? U know dat i love u so damn much. No one can replace my angel eyah. So, as upah for all ur kindness u can having ur lunch n dinner n dobi s well dkt my house...hahaha. n takkan lupe all ur ketapang lawak sponten-'smile alwez+hapily ever after+kepala udang!hahaha.i hope dat u alwez b hapy n alwez pray for me. Bout ur love life-im hapy for u..n u know dat..wat ever reason i wil alwez behind u! love u fren!

To my Zura yang kekadang slamber n weng all the way.Mish u so much. Thanx alot for being such a good fren.u know wat..u r the greaters fren yang teach me bout life! thanx babe. Do u stil remember-supergirl-wearing bra outside the shirt! hahaha ;p n am i so bad, sbb panggil korang sneak into my room tgk our other fren tido gaya 18sx? n ingat tak masa ur so called besfren accident???'eh jgn sentuh,itu sume bahan bukti!!!hahahhaa.sape ntah yg cakap mcm tu! n u zura..amat sinonim dengan kateks (u know y).Used to be hotstuff+our mentor for dancing class+so damn flirty (i loikkee..)

To my gorgeous frens : Nadea+Lulu pop+Fiena

My LuLu PoP - I mish that moment when we cried together..from 2 am til 8 am...talking bout our future n love life. yeah.. u r our mama, our angel n our "ketua" yes! u r my other half! Thanx God. neway, congrats to u. Im hapy for u n miji! Insyallah, c u masa kawen nanti. Dusty rose izzit???
My Sunshine Nadea- I mish playing pool wif u . u r so sweet n kind..we used to share our dirty secret together.. share our stories..xpecially bout damn guyz!haha.Love u babe..im happy for u n mc daneal..im sure u're hapy now..juz, dun stop doa for me!
My Pumkin Fiena- Yes u r my clazmate since we r 15 till 23.huhu.I mish all ur lawak rebung n ur spontaneous face..of course u r beautiful..n i mish wen u do..the rabbit thing.its so sweet! neway, sorry i cant make it regarding ur wedding..exam i tk abis lagi.Congrats babe, im happy for u!
My Purcian Catz Fery- u r the most adorable fren!u r so comel..sumtimes u r so childish..but i know that deep inside u..u r so damn matured!im so impressed by ur advice! My cupcake Marp- nk jadi mak dah..Alhamdulillah. First fren yg drive keta+ first fren yg kawen+first fren yg nk jadi mommy! OMG...izzit dat wonderful marp?im hapy for u. n love u as alwez.
My Old Fren Niza-yeah..actually we've known each other since we were in primary school..then secondary school!Sek.Men.Sultanah Asma is the greatest School in the world!..u know wat..u r sumthing fren! newAY, I loike ur latest pic. Awesome! ;p

To My other half+besfren ever+Superman+Hulk+Batman hehe ;p

N u guys...juz like my perencah IN MY SO CALLED LIFE such as garam+gula+ajinamoto+cili+sos+kicap+cuka+etc (madu di tangan kirimu+racun di tangan kananmu) haha ;p Nothing much bout u guys..But, thanx to both of u yg impliedly banyak ajar about real life-bkn hidup di alam pari-pari n alwez move forward! Neway, harap sume yang baik2 sahaja. Thanx to u AGAIN- hapiness+sadness .enuff said kot! hehe ;p

~Ternafi oleh kamu dari kelompok itu..~

ish! dipijak kepala oleh kamu dari kelompok low class (terhina)
demmits! diperkotakkatik oleh kamu dari kelompok low class
haiihh...dibuli oleh kamu dari kelompok low class
Huh! diabaikan oleh kamu dari kelompok low class

Tundukkan kepala untuk pandang kamu datangnya dari kelompok itu
Duduk sama rendah dengan kamu asalnya dari kelompok itu
Mahu hidup yang biasa seperti hidupan kelompok kamu
Mahu senang yang biasa seperti girang kelompok kamu

Sifat mukhalaf aku terkhilaf lagi
Kiraan hitungan aku tersilap lagi
Simpulan nilaian aku terpelak lagi
Fatwa ijtihad aku tersalah lagi

Jurang kufu bermahalah jauh
Lurah darjat sedepa dalam
Tidak aku endahkan ; biar hati luluh
Tidak aku samakan ; biar hati tenggelam

p/s : I was a little upset when i saw u wif her, but then i laughed coz she was UGLY!

~...antara paksi setara : suatu cherita...~

Mahu cherita yang lumrah
Mahu senang yang biasa
Mahu lara yang jamak
Mahu disamping yang ada...

Tawa girang, sedih kepalang
Senang tenang, hati bersilang
Sempurna semuanya, banyak celanya
Ada segalanya, kosong belaka...

Ada aku, ada kamu , ada dia
Kenan kamu, kaseh dia, tinggal aku
Belai aku, chinta hati dia, semuanya kamu
Berenak kamu, bergalak dia, berteriak aku...

Munajat malaikat, ke mari syaitan laknat
Bergelumang dengan serakah, maseh mengharap yang barakah
Hati meronta mahu bertaubat, jiwa berdosa hitam pekat
Siang berdoa berhajat, malam meronta maksiat...

Maseh ada chahaya 40watt?
Maseh ada sang malaikat?
Maseh ada yang berkat?
Maseh ada yang teringat...?

Hati mulus, hati luluh
Hati kaseh, hati tersiseh
Hati telus, semua berambus
Hati jelik, semua molek!

p/s: 'aku dan dirimu' by ari lasso ft. bunga citra lestari